she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize