I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
PANTIES FOUND
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