On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
