So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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