i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
