I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
