I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
