i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
