Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
