The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
