I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
