I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
