If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
