I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
