Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
