take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
