Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
