I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize