This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
