Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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