go do what you do best...puke behind churches
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
