I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
