bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
