Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
