The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
