like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
