Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
