Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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