am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
