It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
