Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
