OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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