I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I intend to get homeless drunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
