I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
