The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
