New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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