I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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