You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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