Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
