so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
