My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
