too bad you live with your parents still
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
