he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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