i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
