Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize