the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
