she woke up with a sticky ear
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
