We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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