i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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