hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
