Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
