Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
