Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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