Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
