i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
