3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
