Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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