Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
People in love make me want to vomit
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
