Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize