so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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